Monday, March 8, 2010

Stop

Here's some advice I got from my psychiatrist the other day: wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it really hard when "the thoughts" come in. It helps, but I think it's because it hurts so bad you just are like, dammit! Stop! Ah, mental health. So fragile, in a strong woman's brain. This ditty is the product of insomnia; I'll be scrapping it soon. :)

Snap snap snap
rubber against skin
thoughts against sin
snap snap snap

welts on my wrist
this is what
medicaid pays for:
snap snap snap.

My wrists are thin
the veins rise quick
to the surface
and:
snap!
they're hit!
Self-mutilation, doctor recommended.

Snap snap snap
rubber against skin
thoughts against sin
snap snap snap.

4 comments:

  1. Are you sure your psychiatrist wasn't nun from Catholic school in a past life? That is insane advice! Self-flagellation? Sigh...

    Apparently he's been taking classes from Doctor Phil.

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  2. lol I know, right?! It DID help get my mind off of the anxiety, but it left little scars and hurts a lot! But yeah, it's like Opi Dei, except for no Godly cause. ;)

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  3. You could say I'm like Nick's rubber band therapy :). (pause for laughter) We both enjoyed this post.

    The concept behind this therapy is effective - yet the average person is not disciplined enough for it to work as it is intended. And being the different breed that we are, this just ends up being barbaric, rather than constructive. Think of the elephant story: tied as a baby to the bolder, he learns he's not strong enough to pull away. As he gets older, he's already conditioned in believing he can't get away, so he never bothers trying to. Now, flip this around and imagine this rubber band on your wrist as a child. Do you think you'd even have to wear it as an adult? Or would natural instinct be established to catch the behavior before the painful snap? Just some food for thought ;).

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  4. Hi Jen! I just checked in here; gee, it's been a long time!

    I think the rubber band technique does work on some level. It did help stop my thoughts and make me THINK about stopping them just as they crept their little noses into my brain. And then - SNAP! They left because I was feeling another pain of a more physical nature.

    But the pain it caused, as well as the welts and scars I had after only a few days, made it really difficult to keep up with. Now just the thought of snapping a band on my wrist makes me shudder!

    So, I don't know. Good technique on some levels, really old-fashioned in others. Some days I'll try almost anything to heal, and it's those days when the bands might make a reappearance. lol

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